The title may be inaccurate, because on the off chance that you’re in any way similar to me, at that point the more awful the motion picture, the more I adore it… with regards to Lifetime Movies. Give me a bad soundtrack, overacting and awful cinematography and I’m a happy camper. As it were, give me a Lifetime original motion picture.
Honestly, however, many of these films have saving graces. I can’t exactly remember what they are, however I’m certain they have them. In fact, most Lifetime Original Movies have a moral to the story… some astuteness to impart on the masses… so we can all learn and develop as individuals while we watch pieces of motion pictures between ads for Target and Benefiber. Right away, here are the top ten most exceedingly awful Lifetime Movies:
10. Cyber Seduction: His Secret Life
He was a decent child who had it all… until he found adult films. Or on the other hand did they find him? In any case, after the adult movies he wasn’t such a decent child anymore. He became secretive and soon it became an addiction. Fortunate for him his unsavory travels drove him appropriate to the hot yet fast young lady at his school (that’s one hell of a social systems administration story, people) who expects to despoil him. Does he get despoiled? Does he disappoint his stressed mother (played by Kelly Lynch, who has played some really provocative jobs herself)? Do you really care?
9. Imaginary Playmate
See a clasp from the film. Dina Meyer (quite Dizzy from Starship Troopers and of the Saw motion pictures) marries an ideal hunky fellow with an adorable little daughter. Her ideal perspective on life is shattered when she realizes that in addition to the fact that her husband and little stepdaughter love their deceased spouse/mother more than her, yet that the aforementioned wife/mother is haunting them! Hunky husband man doesn’t trust her, notwithstanding when the phantom lady makes her miscarry. Hunky however tousled man companion trusts her, and (maybe, because we’re never told) THEY live happily ever after, since after the apparition lady endeavors to kill her daughter she presumably kills her husband, leaving stepmommy and daughter to… what? Be haunted by those two? Proceed onward with their lives? I get it leaves it up to you, the watcher, to choose.
8. Baby For Sale
Alright. Really bad title. The reason is fascinating. The Johnsons are unable to consider a tyke. Mrs. Johnson (Dana Delany) doesn’t feel great about the adoption procedure so she investigates purchasing a baby. Illegal? Truly. However, (according to the motion picture) just a misdemeanor. They connect with a Hungarian lawyer who discovers them a little Hungarian baby and they are all ready to sign the bill of lading or whatever when all of the abrupt… the cost goes up! What? All of the unexpected the Johnsons are stuck in an all-out offering war for this black market Hungarian baby. On the other hand, maybe this ought to have been number one…
7. A Face To Kill For
Come with me on this, because you will be befuddled when you read the initial segment of number six. Allison (played by Crystal Bernard) is a steed (trainer? rider? racer?) with a deformed face. She has a dreadful husband who frames her for a crime and she gets sent to jail for it. In jail she meets a companion who advises her to stand up for herself. She escapes jail, gets all engaged and gets plastic medical procedure. At that point she embarks to settle the score with the bad person.
6. A Face To Die For
It ought to be a continuation, isn’t that so? Probably not. Emily is a poor deformed faced young lady whose rat companions set her up for theft. She goes to jail, and somehow manages to get some plastic medical procedure making her into the beautiful Emily, never going to budge on vengeance and played by none other than Yasmine Bleeth. Costarring Robin Givens. Maybe based on the same book as A Face To Kill For. Certainly similarly as crappy.
5. A Killing Secret
Secondary school sweethearts Nicole and Greg have a great and wholesome relationship… aside from the fact that Greg meets up with a poor young lady from the bad part of town for sex. Sex! In an abandoned shack, no less. Old Greg supposes he has it great until he meets his hut ho for a cavort and she reveals to him she’s (gasp!) pregnant! Gee golly! That won’t do! The pregnant young lady (played by Punky Brewster herself, Soliel Moon Frye) reveals to Greg she wants to keep the baby.
Greg then does the main thing he can do. He kills her, wraps her body in plastic, and dumps it. Pleasant young lady that she is, Greg’s better half Nicole gets stressed when she discovers a poor young lady from school’s disappeared. She discovers Greg’s secret, and he attempts to kill her before breaking down and having a major sissy crying fit.
4. I Do, But I Don’t
Denise Richards. Need we say more? Alright. Denise Richards in a total ripoff of The Wedding Planner. Still need more? Denise Richards as a wedding planner’s assistant whose each move and thought is narrated by voice-over. Denise Richards as a wedding planner’s assistant who falls for who she supposes is the customer’s GROOM (and still plays with him anyway, despite the fact that she’s separated from a mean husband and presumably really, really values the commitment of marriage) yet things being what they are, the person (played by Dean Cain) is really the lucky man’s BROTHER. Totally predictable with the exception of the characters jump in the sack at the main conceivable chance, and then have an excruciatingly drawn out simulated intercourse to the tune of “The Way You Look Tonight” and smile maniacally at each other the entire time. Great times.
3. More Of Me
Goodness please no. Molly Shannon and Stephen Weber (of Wings and Single White Female fame) star in this crapulent bit of work about an exhausted mother who wishes incarnations of herself into being. The outcome is a Multiplicity (remember that motion picture with Michael Keaton? Yeah. Us either.) type cavort with the other Molly Shannons destroying much more havoc on her already crazy life. I read somewhere that Stephen Weber looked embarrassed to be in this motion picture, and then I remembered that he was ready to die from a stiletto heel in the eye, and insofar as you’re known as the “death-by-stiletto” fellow, you really shouldn’t be sanctimonious like that.
2. My Stepson, My Lover
Disclose to us you don’t really need to find out about this motion picture. What’s in a name? The basic plot: decent attendant falls in adoration with mean, mustached husband’s child. Mean mustached husband is played by Terry O’Quinn (Locke on Lost) and the hunky, robust stepson is played by Joshua Morrow of Young and The Restless Fame. The decent medical attendant is played by British actress Rachel Ward (of the Thornbirds) who attempts a North Carolina accent with Mr. Higgins’ marbles presumably still in her mouth.
Nursey is acquitted of her husband’s untimely end, just to discover that loverboy killed his dad to have Nursey all to himself. Hmm. That plotline sounds sort of familiar. Nursey discovers her Don Juan is a dangerous patriciding beast and he, in an attack of rage, falls of a precipice. In this way Nursey is a rich widow with a poor invalid stepson who fill finally agree to buttoning his shirt all the way up. Fantastic.
1. Maternal Instincts
The most clever thing about this flick is that I didn’t have a clue (and after some web research realize that others had the same inquiry) regardless of whether this should be real or a spoof. Tracy Horton, a woman desperate to have a baby. Turns out that she has cancer, and the best way to save her life is to give her a hysterectomy. She is, sadly, not awake for this choice so her husband and closest companion make it for her. A screaming and overacting Delta Burke plays Tracy who goes for vengeance, killing her husband, breaking pencils, and chasing her pregnant doctor around an engine compartment with a gigantic wrench. Bottom line is that Delta puts the “hysteria” into hysterectomy, and despite the fact that it ranked most exceedingly terrible, it is the primary Lifetime Original Movie I would recommend. So there.